Today, I wore pajamas and a sheet at school...
nonymoose: forevermisslady: bitch-i-might-be-hannibal: nonymoose: oh my god Sherlock? YES! I was walking down a crowded hallway with my friend and she accidentally stepped on my sheet and I froze and said, “Get. Off. My. Sheet!“ Nobody laughed. Except me.
timecannotberewritten: dovahqueene: iwishlilbwasmygrandpa: There are thousands of half-babies in my ballsack and that’s terrifying at least you don’t bleed them out every month you make a compelling argument
(I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.)
Me: “So, where’s your mom at?”
Boy: “She’s in the store. Do you have kids?”
Me: “Not yet. We’re expecting a baby girl soon, though.”
Boy: “Well, she’s going to turn out nice, like you! So, I’m going to marry her someday!”
(I laugh, and play along while I bring him to the service desk, and wait until his mom picks him up. Six years later, my daughter comes home from school and introduces us to a friend that defended her against a bully on the playground. I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly knew who I was!)
sasstiel-sassbutt: arasellle: justheroverthere: I’m the person who knows their Hogwarts house but not their blood type I know mine. it’s pureblood this post just got 209348451 times better okay
meoplelikepeople: acrackinthetardis: nickgrimshade: do you ever remember that harry is only 18 years old and he’s been accused of sleeping with 410 women and breaking up 3 marriages and he can’t even get a tattoo without being surrounded by thousands of girls and he has no privacy and never actually gets to just be an 18 year old kid For a minute I thought you were talking about Harry...
goddammitfenton: if you ever feel bad about yourself, just remember this one time in my english class, we were writing horror stories and one of the girls wrote “it was friday the 13th, the night before halloween” for her opening sentence
I don’t even watch the office but the posts on tumblr about the office ending make me sad… what is my life